Red Velvet Cupcakes

Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching!  Let’s celebrate with Red Velvet Cupcakes…and a Shakespearean insult or two!

Valentine's Day is quickly approaching! Let's celebrate with Red Velvet Cupcakes...and a Shakespearean insult or two!Hello, February!  Even though February is absolutely frigid here in New York, it just so happens to be one of my favorite months.  That’s because February involves college basketball.  Sure, March (and March Madness) is better, but February is when the regular season wraps up.  It means rivalry games and jockeying for the best seeding possible in the conference and national tournaments to come.  February also happens to bring Valentine’s Day, or Single’s Awareness Day as I used to call it back in my bachelor days.

Valentine's Day is quickly approaching! Let's celebrate with Red Velvet Cupcakes...and a Shakespearean insult or two!While the world is full of red balloons and “I love you” cards, I thought I’d go in a bit of a different direction here.  We’re going to talk about insults.  More specifically, we’re going to talk about how to insult other people…Shakespearean style.  (After all, no-one knows how to insult someone like a balding guy wearing a skirt!)

Valentine's Day is quickly approaching! Let's celebrate with Red Velvet Cupcakes...and a Shakespearean insult or two!I read a bunch of Shakespeare back in high school.  I actually kindof enjoyed it…but then again, I’m also kindof a nerd.  I had to memorize the prologue from Romeo and Juliet and repeat it in front of my 9th grade English teacher.  I still remember it.  “Two households both alike in dignity.  In fair Verona, where we lay our scene.”  Correction: I still remember some of it.

But back to the insults!  If a coworker gets on your nerves, why not deliver up a nice Shakespearean slam.  Something like:

  • “I was seeking for a fool when I found you.” –As You Like It
  • “There’s no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune.” –Henry IV, Part I
  • “Go, ye giddy goose.” –Henry IV, Part I
  • “Thou hast in thy skull no more brain than I have in mine elbows.” –Troilus and Cressida
  • “You are as a candle, the better part burnt out.” –Henry IV, Part II

Valentine's Day is quickly approaching! Let's celebrate with Red Velvet Cupcakes...and a Shakespearean insult or two!Ok, let’s take a break and talk about a classic Valentine’s dessert, shall we?  Red Velvet Cupcakes.  As a Southern boy, I grew up around red velvet cake.  It’s delicious, and so appropriate for both Christmas and Valentine’s Day.  (Although if you ask me, it’s appropriate for any day ending in “y”!)

I pulled out my recipe for Classic Red Velvet Cake and transformed it into these Red Velvet Cupcakes.  And let me tell ya…these bad boys didn’t last long.  I topped these cupcakes with a classic cream cheese frosting, and then took them into the curling club.  I put them on the table, turned to talk to a friend and then turned back to see nothing but crumbs.  Mission accomplished!Valentine's Day is quickly approaching! Let's celebrate with Red Velvet Cupcakes...and a Shakespearean insult or two!

  • “You ratcatcher.” –Romeo and Juliet
  • “You scullion, you rampallian, you fustilarian.” –Henry IV, Part II
  • “You’re a fishmonger.” –Hamlet
  • “Your bum is the greatest thing about you.” –Measure for Measure
  • “More of your conversation would infect my brain.” –Coriolanus

And with that, I leave you with a whole array of possible Shakespearean insults.  Drop one of these into conversation, and I promise no one will make fun of you again.  (Well, they might…but it’ll be behind your back.)  Seriously, though, happy (early) Valentine’s Day to everyone out there.  Go grab a Red Velvet Cupcake (or two) and dream up who in your life needs to be slammed Shakespearean style!

Valentine's Day is quickly approaching! Let's celebrate with Red Velvet Cupcakes...and a Shakespearean insult or two!And one last insult for good measure.  (It also happens to come from my all-time favorite Shakespearean play.)

  • “Where gott’st thou that goose look?” –Macbeth
Valentine's Day is quickly approaching! Let's celebrate with Red Velvet Cupcakes...and a Shakespearean insult or two!

Red Velvet Cupcakes

Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching!  Let’s celebrate with Red Velvet Cupcakes…and a Shakespearean insult or two!
Print Pin Rate
Prep Time: 30 minutes
Cook Time: 20 minutes
Total Time: 50 minutes
Servings: 12 servings
Calories: 317kcal

Ingredients

For the Cupcakes

  • ½ cup unsalted butter, room temperature
  • ¾ cup sugar
  • 1 large egg
  • 1 large egg yolk
  • cups all-purpose flour
  • ½ tsp baking soda
  • ½ tsp salt
  • Tbsp cocoa powder
  • ½ cup buttermilk
  • 1 Tbsp red food coloring
  • ½ Tbsp white vinegar
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract

For the Cream Cheese Frosting

  • 8 oz. cream cheese room temperature
  • ½ cup unsalted butter, room temperature
  • 2 tsp vanilla extract
  • 2 –2¼ cups powdered sugar

Instructions

For the Cupcakes

  • Preheat oven to 350°F. Line standard muffin pan with paper liners; set aside.
  • Using a countertop mixer, cream together butter and sugar on medium speed until light and fluffy (~3-4 minutes on medium speed).
  • Add egg and egg yolk; mix until just combined.
  • In a separate bowl, sift together dry ingredients (flour, baking soda, salt, and cocoa powder). In another bowl, whisk together the liquid ingredients (buttermilk, food coloring, vinegar, and vanilla).
  • Add ½ of the dry ingredients to the mixing bowl; mix on low speed until fully combined. Add ½ of the liquid ingredients; mix on low until fully combined. Repeat with remaining dry and liquid ingredients. Once all ingredients have been added, scrape the sides of the bowl down with a spatula and mix on medium speed until batter is smooth.
  • Divide the batter evenly among cupcake liners. Bake at 350°F for 20-22 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of a cupcake comes out mostly clean.
  • Let cupcakes cool in pan for 10 minutes before transferring to a cooling rack to cool completely.

For the Cream Cheese Frosting

  • Using a countertop mixer, cream together the cream cheese and butter until fully combined.
  • Add vanilla extract and powdered sugar (½ cup at a time) until frosting reaches desired consistency.
  • Beat on medium-high speed for 2-3 minutes, or until fluffy.
  • Once cupcakes are completely cool, fill piping bag with frosting and decorate as desired. (Note: I used an Ateco #827 large star tip and Valentine’s Day themed-sprinkles.)

Valentine's Day is quickly approaching! Let's celebrate with Red Velvet Cupcakes...and a Shakespearean insult or two!

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38 Comments

  1. Ha! You really know romance! Aren’t we supposed to be spreading the love in February?!
    I’ll be trying this one out this week as I need a festive idea for after-school treats! Yep, I’m that mom and yes- they really ARE that spoiled….but you only get them for a little while so it should be fantastic, right?!❤

    1. Hahaha…well, there is just so much romance out there already that I felt like I had to keep it balanced, Marla. But the insults just sound so much classier in Shakespearean English, right? 🙂 Oh my gosh, I am totally going to be that Dad, too! Robbie is already spoiled, but he doesn’t quite know it yet. I foresee batches of these cupcakes going with him to school once he’s a little bit older. Enjoy the cupcakes, my friend…they are a classic that I grew up with thanks to my Mom who spoiled me!

  2. I love having a friend that is kind of nerd!! so sweet! I am more of a Jane Austen nerd! but love is love. Red velvet is such a mystery to me! I have never been able of getting a recipe right! I am going to try yours to see if I succeed!

    1. Haha! Nerds unite, right, Gaila? 🙂 I never got into Jane Austen, but I absolutely support your nerddom. (Is nerddom a word? It should be!) Red velvet is a classic, and this recipe totally works. The red food coloring is a bit of a cheater’s method…but it’s the only way to produce that bright red cake color. Give it a shot and let me know how it turns out?? Thanks, my friend!

    1. Thanks so much, Manali! Red Velvet cake (and cupcakes) always remind me of my childhood as my Mom used to make them every Valentine’s Day! 🙂

    1. Hahaha…hilarious, Linda! Yes, do memorize this recipe. You never know when someone might stop and ask you for a red velvet cupcake recipe! 🙂

  3. Wow, I’m impressed with all these sayings. Some of them are pretty soft (or not so obviously sarcastic/rude), but some of them are quite nasty (and so precise). Like this one: “More of your conversation would infect my brain” and the one which refers to a burnt candle. And of course, I do love your Red Velvet Cupcakes which would be a great match to my red velvet donuts…I mean when you send some to me, I will perfectly match them to the donuts:)

    1. I had a good laugh over these comments, Ben. Some of them really make you stop and think…hey, was that an insult? But those are the best kinds, right? 🙂 Well, I sent you a batch of these red velvet cupcakes…but I never got your red velvet donuts in return. That’s kinda rude, don’t you think? Haha!

  4. Hahaha!
    I was sitting here reading this book on “Programming Analysis and Design” and THIS is the break I so needed – am torn between “Go, ye giddy goose.” and”“Your bum is the greatest thing about you.” I wasn’t planning on showing Lil Shashi this post because red velvet cupcakes are her favorite but these “insults” are too good not to share!!! But, back to these red velvet cupcakes – just WOW, dude! I so agree – they are perfect for any day that ends with a “y”!
    Happy Wednesday to ya!

    1. Oh man, could you have find a more boring book if you had tried, Shashi?? “Programming Analysis and Design”? *Yawn* I vote you put that book down and pick up some Shakespeare instead! I mean how can you beat “Go, ye giddy goose.”? I bet you won’t be seeing any fun quips like that in that programming book! 🙂 Red velvet cupcakes are always a favorite this time of the year…my Mom used to make these for us when we were kids. Thanks, my friend, and happy Thursday!

  5. I’m hoping to get into college football this year David. I’m a huge football fan and go through a massive withdraw in February. Someone suggested I get into college basketball, so fingers crossed it does the trick. 🙂 Valentine’s day is right around the corner, and I’m looking forward to it this year. I might be avoiding the sugar since I’m working on my summer body, but that doesn’t mean I can’t make these cuties and make my friends devour them 🙂

    1. Yes, do give college b-ball a shot, Mary! I went to Duke undergrad, so I pretty much got bitten by the basketball bug when I was there. I should do a post sometime about all of the wacky things we did…like sleeping on a sidewalk for a month to get into the big Duke-Carolina game. 🙂 March Madness is insane though. I mean what other sport gives 68 teams a chance to win it all? Sure, the champion is usually one of the usual suspects…but at the same time, there are almost always crazy upsets along the way! You know the saying…”Any given team can beat any other team on any day.” And it happens! Also, if you load your friends up with cupcakes, then you won’t have to diet as long yourself, right? That’s Garfield’s strategy…and it’s mine, too! Haha! 🙂

    1. Hahaha..I totally agree, Nicole! I mean when else can you use the term ‘giddy goose’? 🙂 I get the red velvet thing. I really do. I used to have an issue with cream cheese frosting, but then I got over it…as long as the cream cheese frosting is used on appropriate cakes (like red velvet). Either way, happy early V-Day, my friend!

  6. Always loved the colour of red velvet cupcakes – they look so pretty and are just perfect for Valentine’s Day! I will try not to insult my better half with Shakespearean insults on Valentine’s Day but I can think of a few scenarios and people where they might come in handy in the future 😉 Happy early Valentine’s Day ♡

    1. I agree with you, Miriam! Red velvet is just perfect for Valentine’s Day…that and Christmas. I can absolutely think of a few scenarios where these Shakespearean insults might come in handy. I love how some of them make you stop and think, “Hey, was that an insult?” Those are the best ones! Thanks so much, my friend…hope you’re having an awesome week so far!

  7. Gross, Dave. I HATED Shakespeare and we had to read it in high school. All I remember is ‘I take thee to a nunnery’. lol.

    Although after reading those you’ve collated, I suppose some of those characters they must have been closet housewives. The real housewives of Shakespeare. In the meantime, I’ll be polishing off these cupcakes, single style.

    1. Hahaha! I totally remember “Get thee to a nunnery” line. I enjoyed Hamlet, but Macbeth is where it was really at! I mean Macbeth had witches. Witches who said “double, double, toil and trouble.” Or wait…or was that from Hocus Pocus? 😉

      I’m thinking a Real Housewives of Shakespearean England could have been a huge hit. Ol’ Billy Shakes missed his chance to start that show!

  8. I´m back and I can´t wait to see every new post of yours! These look so good! Did you know that red velvet cake is my favourite cake of all time!
    ps. Love (LOVE) the Shakespearean slam!! Haha!!

    1. Yes! I noticed that your posts started showing up in my feed again, Johlene. Welcome back, my friend! Grab a red velvet cupcake and celebrate the season. Yum! 🙂

  9. OMG, those Shakespearean insults are just too funny!! Amazing how you know a lot of that stuff, but if you are interested then I guess it comes easy, right 🙂 ? I definitely think these cupcakes are appropriate for any day ending in ‘y’, lol 😀 I like your thinking, David! Cream cheese frosting happens to be my favourite too. Would love one of these right now! Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

    1. Hey, there’s plenty of love in the air already in February. I figured we could do some insults…in a classy way! 🙂 These red velvet cupcakes remind me of my childhood as my Mom used to make them every February. Yum! Thanks so much, and I hope you have an awesome weekend, too, Dawn!

  10. Hi David. Since locating to the South my son’s favorite dessert is red velvet cake so I will be passing this on to him. Cream cheese frosting is a must, as it is on carrot cake. Hope you are staying warm up there in the cold North.

    1. Hey there, Dorothy! Yes, we are indeed staying warm up here. We’ve had some snow this year, but overall it’s been a surprisingly warm winter so far. I mean a lot of the days have been over freezing. I think I saw a stat that our average temperature in January was 8° above normal January temps… Anyways, red velvet cake/cupcakes is seriously one of my favorites from growing up in the South. Hope your son makes/enjoys this recipe! And I hope you and Gary have a great weekend! 🙂

    1. Yes! I don’t love cream cheese frosting on everything, but it’s a must for Red Velvet! I had an old boss who always requested cream cheese frosting on her store-bought birthday cake every year…like the one we’d get and have in the breakroom at work. I have no issues with grocery store birthday cakes…but they just don’t work with cream cheese frosting! Thanks, Kevin!

  11. This is hilarious. I was an English Lit major and these quotes brought back some fun memories. I feel like curling up in front of a fire now and reading some Shakespeare or maybe a bit of Chaucer. I’ll be needing some of these red velvet cupcakes to snack on!

    1. Oh man, I didn’t realize you majored in English Lit! This must have been a trip down memory lane for you then. Good old Billy Shakes to the rescue, right? 🙂 Oh, and Chaucer! I’ve always loved Canterbury Tales. And, yes, red velvet cupcakes are a must when reading Elizabethan literature! Thanks, Rachelle. And I hope you have an awesome weekend!

  12. I love your adorable cupcake papers. They remind me of circus tents. And are those red and pink sprinkles little hearts? David, you are a lady killer. Any man who would make these cupcakes for his Valentine would score points of jackpot proportions.

    1. Circus tents, eh? I can see that! But I promise eating these cupcakes is way more fun than going to the circus. Unless said circus has one of those human cannons. Those things are insane! I still don’t quite understand how those work… Haha. Hope you have an awesome weekend, Jeff!

    1. Thank you so much, Caroline! Red velvet cake/cupcakes totally take me back to my childhood. They’re a classic…and Valentine’s Day just isn’t the same without ’em. Hope you have a great weekend, my friend!

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