Place the beef and turkey in a crockpot and add enough water to cover beef. Use a whisk to break up ground meat into pea-sized (or smaller) pieces.
Cook on high for 2-3 hours or until meat is fully cooked. Drain off all but ~1 cup of cooking liquid. (Tip: Skim off any grease before draining liquid.)
Once meat is fully cooked, add all remaining ingredients. Stir and cook on low for 4-5 hours.
For Serving
Cook pasta according to package directions.
Place pasta on plates and top with chili, onions, kidney beans and cheese. Serve with hot sauce and oyster crackers.